Tools for the Journey #15 - Fear of falling / Joy of Flight

There is an ancient Japanese koan which reads:

"Do not mistake the pointing finger for the moon."

As with all important questions in life...the answer is not as important as the path leading to it. However in this case I feel some explanation of meaning may be useful to what I want to say today, thus I have provided one interpretation of this age-old koan.

"Truth has nothing to do with words. Truth can be likened to the bright moon in the sky. Words, in this case, can be likened to a finger. The finger can point to the moon’s location. However, the finger is not the moon. To look at the moon, it is necessary to gaze beyond the finger."

In the years I trained at Aikido of Tamalpias dojo I had the unprecedented blessing to have not just one extraordinary sensei, but three: Wendy Palmer, George Leonard and Richard Strozzi Heckler. Each gave me valuable tools for my journey which I still carry with me and use even after so many years.

As my family and I walk this journey of cancer and chemotherapy (with my husband) and all it entails...I have been mindful lately of a particularly indelible lesson from Richard which keeps tapping me on the shoulder.

On a sunny autumn afternoon while attending one of Richard's classes - when I was still a rank beginner - I was having an extremely difficult time with the rolling and throws which are an integral part of Aikido practice...I could not seem to get past my fears about falling and flying through the air and thus was making precious little progress on the mat.

After watching me flounder for a considerable period of time, Richard came over to ask what was causing me so much trouble. "I am afraid of falling and hurting myself", I told him.

His reply to me was simple, and he offered no long-winded explanation for what he meant. He looked me in the eyes, paused for a moment (in that instant there were no longer 20 other students on the mat with us - it was only student and sensei) and this is what he said to me:

"You don't need a map to get where you are going in here. Experience more, think less. Your fear is outside of your Self...and your work here is to shine the light inside. You must strive to turn your fear of falling into the joy of flight."
Richard's words so long ago helped me to better navigate my way to becoming a stronger more centered student, and those same words have been useful on the paths I have walked in the years since then. Today I find I am hearing his words anew at this particularly challenging time.

As much as I wish it were otherwise I certainly have some "fear of falling" at the present time on my journey. I am fumbling as I search diligently for a "map" which could help me navigate these terrifying waters...and Richard's words echoing in my head..."you must strive to turn your fear of falling into the joy of flight" are a map of sorts...or better yet a homing beacon back to center.

How do I transform my fear of falling into the joy of flight? How do I not mistake the pointing finger for the moon? Perhaps I can only get there through practice, just like those days on the mat in that beloved dojo. Maybe I need to think less and experience more...

Below is a quote from Richard Strozzi Heckler's book: Aikido and the New Warrior which expresses where I hope to be, but am not yet today, in my efforts to stay focused on the moon and not on the pointing finger and turning my present fear of falling into the joy of flight.

"When someone proceeds with an Aikido move they didn't think they could do, and then accomplishes it, quickly, with hardly any force used, that is transcendence. A person has done something not seemingly possible, by blending body and mind - and thus has revealed a bigger and probably truer self."

We know the words (the pointing finger) the doctors say about Paul's prognosis but the truth is not the pointing finger, it is the moon...and to look at the moon we must gaze past the pointing finger to a place further out in the distance.

If I want to see the "moon" in the distance more clearly I need to once again reveal a truer version of myself to myself. In order to do this I think back on all the skills Aikido practice gave me: centering, grounding, ki extension, blending, budo, relaxation, harmony, love, strong yet soft, breath awareness, embracing the attack, discipline, respect, sweeping circular motions and yes, how to turn the fear of falling in to the joy of flight.

We are in the presence of an "enemy" called cancer, we are on the battlefield under fierce attack, and it is taking all of my mental training to stay centered. My human instinct is to tense up, resist and fight the enemy attacking my family, but Richard's words and my Aikido training remind me there is untold power in non-resistance and if I "embrace the attack" I will have the force of the Universe behind me. From this place I have already won...and I will more clearly see the elusive "moon".

This does not mean I determine the outcome but it does mean I have power over my strength through the battle and my response to the outcome no matter what it turns out to be.

Blessings on your journey,
Cheryl

PS - If you'd like to know more about Richard's present work visit these websites:

http://www.theleadershipdojo.com/

http://www.strozziinstitute.com/

Tools for the Journey #14 - Ubuntu

Ubuntu ([ùɓúntʼú]; English: /ʊˈbʊntuː/ uu-buun-too).
Ubuntu means what makes us human is the humanity we show each other.

It is a Xhosa (South African) word and philosophy emphasizing community, sharing and generosity. Many parts of Africa have a similar word with the same definition and spirit.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu explains:

"Ubuntu is about the essence of being human. A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance which comes from knowing they belong to a greater whole. We believe a person is a person through another person; my humanity is caught up, bound up inextricably with yours. When I dehumanize you, I inexorably dehumanize myself. The solitary human being is a contradiction in terms and therefore we seek to work for the common good because our humanity comes into its own in belonging. We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas the truth is we are connected and what we do affects the whole world."

The concept of Ubuntu runs counter to the die-hard Western creed of individualism. Our Western society bases so much of its values on the "Marlboro Man", solitary mindset...the lone cowboy riding the range. However the best of who we are as a people, as a community, shines brightest during times when we pull together.

There are responsibilities (and yes, hassles) which undoubtedly come with our interconnectedness, but there are many treasures associated with the same. Our true power lies in what we can do together as families, as neighbors, as communities, and as a human tribe.

Archbishop Tutu describes this perspective,

"Ubuntu is not, "I think therefore I am." It says rather: "I am a human being because I belong. I participate. I share." In essence, I am because you are."

Thinking back on the events of September 11, 2001, I am heart-full of those who gave their lives that day. Along with a nation, I cried on September 11, 2001 and every September 11th since then. I weep both for what was lost, but also in gratitude for what we gained. Ubuntu was alive and well and working overtime on 9/11/2001.

The unspeakable, horrible acts of terror witnessed on 9/11 were only overshadowed by the rising up of people around our country, the steely determination that we would pull together, we would help out, lend a hand, get our hands dirty, put differences aside and all for a common cause against an unfathomable evil which landed in our country that terrible day.

Most of us remember for weeks afterward people were kinder, friendlier, more tolerant and more patient with each other. I remember how it felt in those days and weeks after 9/11...I was deeply moved by the profound sense of connectedness to my human family during those times. Now my annual practice each September is to remind myself of those feelings, bring myself back into a place where I am freshly aware of my interconnectedness because in the final analysis what else is there really?

Life is messy; it just is. It is not a question of IF there will be some sort of "train wreck" in our midst, but only a matter of when. This isn't a tidy life no matter how much we try to make it so; it is a messy, painful, beautiful, breathtaking, heartbreaking, gorgeous, torturous and splendid life. People we love die; things don't always work out, we get hurt along the way and really bad things can and do happen to very good people. But we are all in this together and with this awareness of Ubuntu, I am better able to cope with my own hard times and more prepared to help you through yours.

As a human tribe we thrive together, not incrementally but exponentially.

In-Joy
Cheryl

Tools for the Journey #13 - All The Good You Can

Do all the good you can
By all the means you can
To all the people you can
In every place you can
At all the times you can
As long as ever you can

- John Wesley

The poem above is a precious and valued "tool" for myself and my family. It is one of the cornerstones of our family culture and indeed it is part of the ground we stand upon each day. This poem hangs framed on the wall in our living room as our family mantra and motto. As a parent I talk with my children often about what this poem means - and what it does not mean...because both points are important.

To misconstrue Mr. Wesley's message would be unfortunate, and some undoubtedly have done so.

Do all the good you can, by all the means you can...

On the surface this poem could be interpreted as giving all of oneself at all costs...but this is not my interpretation. From my eyes Mr. Wesley was referencing something deeper, he was speaking about "the place we come from" rather than "the place we are going" and this is a vital distinction. If "being of service" is foundational, if it is the place we come from then there is a nearly infinite reservoir to draw from, and as I give, as I exhale myself out to others I am not depleted. If undertaken in the proper way then in my acts of giving I am also "fed" and thus I am sustained and even renewed by these actions. Conversely, if doing all the good we can is "the place we are going" and it is not foundational then to my mind this is finite and we can easily become depleted and this is not truly being of service.

Another quote (author unknown) which goes to make clear my point is this:

Temples don't exist on the outside
One has to become a temple
And the only way to become a temple
Is to create in your interior
An immense gratitude
For all that has happened to you
For all that is happening to you
Your reserves then are incalculable, immeasurable.

So, Mr. Wesley's message, his call to action, if you will - can and should be endeavored but in order to do so we must also include ourselves in the equation. We must remember to "feed" ourselves as we endeavor to be of service to others. Sustainability is elemental, and in order to have sustainability we must work to understand the tools we receive on deeper levels...we must learn to have "new eyes" in order to see the various uses for our "tools" which may not be apparent at first glance.

If you were to take my children aside and ask them, "What is the one thing your mother says to you again and again every day?" - This is what they would tell you:

"Pay attention to the world around you."

He was using different words, but I believe Mr. Wesley was saying the same thing with his poem; in order to truly be of service one must become skilled at paying attention to the world around them.

Thus, with this daily "mantra" from their mama, and Mr. Wesley's lovely "tool", I feel confident my kids have two key pieces of how to live a happy, textured and meaningful life. If they carry with them the tools which I have passed on and they learn to recognize the tools which are uniquely their own, then no matter how long I live I know when I leave them they will be okay.

The value of any tool, any gift, is not found simply in relation to where or whom it came from as much as in how it lands in our heart and resonates with us on deeper levels no matter the source. Mr. Wesley's tool is an integral part of the fabric of my heart and it is one I endeavor to use on a daily basis in hopes of doing all the good I can while I am here.

In-Joy
Cheryl

Tools for the Journey #12 - Exhale Yourself

As rusty-hued autumn colors wash over me and all around me in these days of seasonal change and dwindling light…I am reminded once again of the impermanence of life. Just as springtime is a burst of life and color and things “becoming”…there is also this season of putting things to bed, of quieting down. The garden, the patio furniture, the summer sandals and swimsuits – all tucked away for the coming colder, more inward-reflective time. The changing seasons of the year always has me mindful of the changing seasons of life. This year these thoughts are particularly laden because my precious husband has stage IV cancer. Despite his diagnosis we endeavor to reside in a place of faith rather than fear and some days we are successful…other days not so much.

Lately as I ponder thoughts of life and death I have been reflecting on some wisdom my former Aikido sensei, Wendy Palmer, gave to me many years ago:

"Your inhale is what you take in; it is the gift the World has for you. But your exhale is what you give back to the world...so be very careful how you exhale yourself."

When we are born the very first thing we do is we inhale; we must take this first breath and it is our arrival gift from the World. The very last thing we do when we die is we exhale - we give back the gift we first took in. We come in taking but we go out giving and all the time in between those two points we have a choice about how we exhale ourselves.

As I have walked through my daily life in all the years since Wendy was my sensei I have worked to stay mindful of my exhale. However, these days I have a significantly heightened awareness; I am attempting to stay centered, grounded as I watch Paul valiantly fighting this horrid disease. It is far easier to be centered when not faced with incomprehensible loss…but “Center is not referenced on loss”, Wendy would say, “it references on what is emerging and what is possible”.

So for today, for this moment I strive to stay centered and look to what is possible. To help me in my endeavor I am leaning heavily on the “tools” Wendy gave me all those years ago in a dojo in Marin County. As I pull these tools out and hold them up to the light it serves as a reminder of how even the “old tools” remain useful - have their place in the order of things - and don’t need to get tucked away even when the "seasons" change!

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale...and the cycle goes on and on. Wendy's words echoing in my ears have value still:

"Be mindful of how you exhale yourself."

It is my wish, my hope, my fervent prayer that my exhale might one day become a “tool” which someone else will pull out and use to prop themselves up, help them through a tough season, just as Wendy’s wisdom from so many years ago is propping me up today.

Blessings on your journey!
Cheryl

"If the body is a light bulb and it burns out, does that mean there's no more electricity? The source of the energy remains. We can discard the body and go on. We are the source." - Joseph Campbell

Tools for the Journey #11 - Plow Down The Corn...

Do you remember the film: Field of Dreams? The key event in the film is when the main character plows down half of his corn field to make room to build a baseball field for ghost baseball heroes of days past to come and play ball. Needless to say everyone thought this guy was crazy!

"If you build it they will come."

The plowing down of his corn field is a beautiful metaphor; one which I love and think of often when I need to push through to the other side of a problem.

If I build it they will come but first I must "plow down the corn!"

I must look and see what's "in the way" of my progress, what's in the way of my dream bearing fruit? I must identify this "corn" and I must be willing to take risks and have the courage to "plow it down" to make room for what is becoming, what is unfolding, what is before me waiting to arrive. All the while aware of how many will believe I'm crazy or at least making a mistake. This is where trusting myself, trusting my instincts and my higher knowing is key because there will be plenty of people standing by to tell me: "you're nuts".

Plow down the corn -

This is a powerful tool for my journey.

When I'm stuck, when I find myself residing in fear, doubt or trepidation...I pick myself up, dust myself off and begin to examine which corn to "plow down" so there's room for new possibilities, new information, new insights, new perspective, new viewing points, new adventures, new people, new ground upon which to stand for both myself and all that is headed towards me.

If you are willing to use this tool - even at the risk of appearing "crazy" like the farmer in the film; if you are willing to identify and plow down what is in the way of your forward progress...what you will witness is miracles all around you, coming at you from all directions, once the way is clear for them to arrive. Things you could never have imagined would come your way will manifest before your eyes once the "corn" is removed and the space is there for these gifts to "land" in your "corn field".

A "farmer" such as this is a person who is engaged with Life. Inhabiting this frame of mind - one eventually becomes a resident of a place within which little will remain unrevealed as long as there is willingness to keep eyes, heart and mind wide open. These revelations will help to distinguish which "corn" to cut down and which to keep for the harvest.

PLOW DOWN THE CORN!

In-Joy

Cheryl

"Not being known does not stop the truth from being true!" - Richard Bach

Tools for the Journey #10 - Christmas Wisdom - Timeless Wisdom

Tools for the Journey #9 - Seeing possibilities

What do you think when you see one of these mystical, magical balls in your yard? Do you see weeds? Do you think hassle? Or do you see........possibilities? For me I am in the later group; when I see dandelions gone to seed, I see pure possibilities! Like a child on Christmas morning I can't wait to run out into the yard and start making wishes! This is a simple pleasure, and in my heart I feel perhaps all of my truest wishes might just change the world if I wish them on enough dandelions!

When was the last time you picked one of these magical balls and with your exhale made a wish? Breath-sending-wish out onto the wind with your heart so fully open, and new and full of hope and belief in possibilities!?

One sunny afternoon when my yard was overflowing with these "possibilities" - I decided to find out just how many possibilities exist in a single dandelion. Armed with my curiosity I went out and picked three dandelions of differing sizes, I came inside, and with tweezers in hand I counted the seeds of each separate puffy globe.

Largest globe: 184
Medium globe: 164
Smallest globe: 158

The numbers surprised me because I had assumed the number of seedlings of the smallest globe would be far fewer than the number of seedlings on the largest globe. However you can see from the numbers this was not the case. I was delighted at this discovery and took this as a message and a metaphor. Possibilities themselves are not "big" nor "small"...they just are and become what we make of them.

Possibilities are all around us and many are hidden in plain sight yet disguised as annoyances or inconveniences on the surface. If we look carefully we may discover myriad possibilities right in front of us, just below eye level. To discover the extraordinary within the ordinary perhaps we need "new eyes".

I used to think one dandelion = one wish.
The way I now figure it is even with the smallest globe I get 158 wishes rather than just one. Granted this might mean I spend more time standing in my yard or by the side of the road somewhere thinking up 158 wishes...but this might not be so bad after all.

Another thought I had was: we get 1 wish and 157 thank-yous for the opportunity to make the wish. So very much to be grateful for...and any wish made should, in my way off looking at things, always be partnered with gratitude from the outset.

Gratitude for possibilities.
Gratitude for the miraculous life.
Gratitude for witnessing the extraordinary hidden within the ordinary.
Gratitude for the generosity of friends as they provide me with a never-ending supply of tools for my journey.
Gratitude on this Memorial Day for all of our service men and women past and present.

Not many people land here on this blog page perhaps, but I visualize each blog post as a unique puffy dandelion globe. I exhale my breath and watch as all the tiny seedlings float out onto the winds of cyberspace realizing one will never know how far and wide the distance our wishes travel...or whose heart it may touch.

Here is my one wish: that each person who lands here and reads this finds some value, some insights, some hope and perhaps even some useful tools for their journey.

Also, symbolically here are my 157 thank-yous for the opportunity to make the wish in the first place!
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Blessings on the journey!
In-Joy
Cheryl